As I look back to 2009, I wonder how unusual, personally, this year has been for me. More than moving to America, I’ve stepped out of the “comfort” of my background and decided to showcase my love for God and passion for writing to strangers from around the world. This, however, somewhat failed when I tried to do a blog last year, but as God is good, He has given me the tools for success.
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I have been struggling with a boil on the back of my head for a week now. It’s becoming more painful, and I can’t take it out. I told someone it was a stress mark (or I thought it was that or the former); proves that I was wrong, it is a boil. (I have nothing personal against Susan Boyle; she has a tremendous voice, and who doesn’t love comebacks!?) Such disconcert makes me guilty, more than I am for my past sins (if I ever sinned with the declaration), but it does make it more painful to bear.
Jesus replied, “Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.” (Luke 9:58, NIV) Allow me to make-up for my lost time. Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun. (Ecclesiastes 2:11, NIV) I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33, NLT) I am a conservative, but not as much in certain issues. When it comes of seeing long-time friends in MySpace, it is a different ordeal. Sometimes, I have to try to hold back and resist and desist from putting down a friend. (These moments fill my mind with unlimited “forgive me’s”.) Whereas I may feel shocked while seeing how they’re doing, it still surprises me to see them what they’re wearing, how they act, what they have…
Call me whatever you want (“alarmist” is preferred, thank you), but this is why I write about overcoming. As much as I must learn to overcome faults and difficulties, I also must overcome myself for Jesus. Another experience I bring: I’m still struggling in Musicianship. I have complained about my stunning obligation to fix (using the verbs have, must, etc., those obviously referencing to any complete self-force), and I’ve thought how I’d measure up over them. Most of them are in the school choir, others play the piano or other things. (Some even vie for Music majors at college!) In the midst of all this talent, should I care? Yes, but to overcome, not to strenuously despair and crumble as of habit. None more than insecurities are portrayed. It seems that I may need to overcome myself, overcome my classes, overcome in my life, and overcome with Jesus. He overcame sin, He overcame life, and He overcame death! Overcoming what we know in life will take extra work, drawing out our sins and fighting for our lives will only be possible by Jesus. A man’s spirit sustains him in sickness, but a crushed spirit who can bear? (Proverbs 18:14, NIV) But you are a shield around me, O LORD; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head. (Psalm 3:3, NIV) In this point in my life, I should’ve expected more of myself, especially when it comes to talking to people. I will not tell you what happened, yet said snafu held an absurd, complex, connection with Kleenex, runny noses and tampons. Oh, the last word still rings me apart! It is, moreover, that I do not know as of yet to handle my jokes. What a good servant, what a faithful Christian!
In other questions of abhorrent stupidity, I also have to prepare soon to make-up for an SAT test soon, for the first time, and another work. I also feel frustrations in Music class, and I’m having the common cold. It is NOT a great way to start winter! Be it that I still must face stupid decisions for my many sins, or just that I’m depressed for my own shortcomings in life, God is so gracious to let me repent and start over. Letting go is the hard part, looking up and answering my call as part of the Redeemed of Christ. It is many a day where I still look heads-down when I walk. Maybe it’s still time for me to learn. It’s also hard to appear with a straight-up countenance of happy when you’re bogged down to death (sometimes literally), but God still shows His love to us. He still lifts us up in grace, He still takes down all of our sins and troubles, and He will throw it to the sea. (How much I need encouragement!) He still roots for us in Heaven, and in the deeper of our hearts. |
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