“But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead
and is alive again; he was lost and is found.”(Luke 15:32, NIV)
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(Since we are in Weakness Week, it is imperative that I adress the famous self-rant. Sometimes, I feel to write over and over again. Those who are older know about this rant, when I wrote it back in July 24. Why do I decide to rerun such horrible post with that assumption of myself? I will tell you why soon…)
We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. (2 Corinthians 10:5, NIV) I don’t wanna go through the motions Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. (1 John 3:18) But I pray to you, O LORD, in the time of your favor; in your great love, O God, answer me with your sure salvation. (Psalm 69:13) “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?” (Matthew 6:25, 27) …that can make me feel like crap. (Yeah! I said it!) I’m sick and tired of being insulted and me not saying anything. I’m tired of Googling “why people can’t (insert)” on there. I’m tired of questioning to God WHY I HAVE THE FLAW OF NOT DEFENDING MYSELF FROM EVEN MY OWN FAMILY! I don’t know if I’m weak or just a plain idiot, then why I like to be humiliated, bashed, verbally beaten, and a plain masochist? This ain’t Mamut talking, I’m totally OOC here. No Mamut is talking the pain; I’m the Joe that has feelings and that has dignity unknown. Why I can’t rebound from my own problems? Why do I have to linger pain and guilt of my inability to cope with such things, and then hear my mother’s anger? How much do I have to pray, fast, and read the Bible to get an answer? How much do I have to handle before exploding like an idiot? How much can I go before bashing myself in front of everybody in Cyberspace!!?? Writing is not helping, not one bit. It hurts that someone says to me an “idiot”, where I can’t find peace, where I’m hit in my jugular. Where I fell wounded, hurt, torturing… myself. Lord, help me realize my weakness. I’m being too earnest, but please break me where I need to be broken. Strengthen me where I need to be strong. Make me rise in my weakness and start over, not to question Your paths, but to be glorified in me. Where I can go, cover where I fail. Remove all guilt from me, and all my brokenness Forgive me for not being at ease with the things that happen to me. I ask for Your wisdom, where Your power is made known where I feel hurt, broken, and confused. In Your name I pray, according to Your will… AMEN. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (1 Corinthians 12:10) Y yo sé que en mí, esto es, en mi carne, no mora el bien; porque el querer el bien está en mí, pero no el hacerlo. (Romanos 7:18) No sé; no iba a hablar de esto. Iba a hablar sobre el trabajo (el que no trabaja, !que no coma!). Pero hay algo que quisiera que mediten: Extendí mis manos a ti, mi alma a ti como la tierra sedienta. (Salmos 143:6) |
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