“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. –Jeremiah 29:11 & 12, NIV 2010
On one half of the year, I finally move to the rhythm of the life I always wanted to try. Into the second semester, I let my academic light shine; I finally keep up with my friends, and I finally throw all the hell that was happening back home to Hell. But I forgot that this whole shebang was supposed to be for a little while, anyway.
On another half, I find myself smoothly returning to the rhythm of the life I always lived, now with a few changes. We don’t live in the same house anymore, Papi doesn’t work in the same place anymore (though he still works for the government), and I suffer that wretched interlocking (where one group studies in the morning and another one studies in the afternoon). Dang, I wish that life would settle in!
Unfortunately, I can’t –nay, will EVER- expect that from God.
My uncle –who is vacationing right now- gave me a couple of letters from universities and organizations that invited me or I applied. What became one of the worst heartaches ever ensued: when I opened each letter, I saw many things-a summer studying abroad in Europe, free scholarships, university applications-and then some more.
I am frustrated. I’m honestly heartbroken, and I want to understand why. So much have I dreamed of living the gringo life, so much to learn that I’m stuck in here for a while. Can a letter solve things right?
But I can’t-it’s not my place to question God. Yet I don’t pretend to roll like the saints who DO give up understanding and surrender to what God has in store. But I don’t –if I could have an inkling of God’s mind, I would be so happy right now… (People, I’m a mess.)
He has spoken what I will become in His hands.
He’s given me His Spirit.
He’s anointed my head and gave me authority.
He gave me the faith of a prince.
He’s given me a chance to show what I’ve got to the world.
And He holds my future.
Submission is hard, but a must. It’s too late to go back –in a little while, a New Year starts ringing. God is so willing to do many things, but how willing are we to let Him take over-no questions, no answers, no nothing? (This sounded better on my mind.)
I don’t understand…Lord, please take over and make me willing to NOT know why…I surrender, ‘cause I have no other choice… (Sorry if I sounded like a drama queen.)
Feliz Año Nuevo! Que Dios los bendiga ahora y siempre!
Have a happy New Year! May God bless you always and forever!
(P.S.: Cero balas perdidas, OK?)