Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect. —Matthew 5:48
Every day, I wake up believing that I can do my best; that I can show my best; that I can be my best. That "perfect" is impossible, so it's best to focus on "best". Best is comforting; it denotes excellence, but it doesn't compromise. Thinking about "best" makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
That is, until I open my eyes. Then, horrible thoughts pierce through my brain: impossible, indistinguishe, unbearable, im...per...fect. "That last thing you did was wrong...You could do better...Why didn't you finish that when you had the time...So sloppy..." I battle and battle to rebuke my mind, even to rebuke myself if necessary. Some days, I'm victorious. Other days, I fail. And when I fail, I let the pain take over my mind.
No one should live like this.
...But how can I show His love if I'm not perfect? How many tens and hundreds do I need to receive in life in order to be perfect? How should I never do wrong in this life, in what ways should I never hate, never lie, never cheat, never doubt Him/ Because asking these questions make walking impossible (or so I make it)...Because loving the world leaves me no space to love my God.
Thinking like this, definitely makes no sense. Thinking like this, I am blocking my expectations to receive grace, to rest in appreciation to His attention towards me. It becomes a vicious circle, searching, relishing, burdening myself through my expectations instead of drowning myself in love—Divine love. For love is perfect, and mature...and it always leaves space for growth in the future.