Elijah was afraid and ran for his life. When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there, while he himself went a day’s journey into the desert. He came to a broom tree, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, LORD,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.” (1 Kings 19: 3,4, NIV)
With God and school, I (almost!) ace well. I work my good grades, and I pledge my allegiance to God, my Savior. Though my 4.0 GPA is shot as of now (amidst my uncle trying to impel through me that high school is just a step to college), I still play this game decently. And God is still my número uno: He is the reason why I’m so happy of writing about Him moving through my life.
Of course, there is the obvious private, “secular” (and I use this in quotes, as He still weaves through), personal life. This is the one I miserably SUCK living on. I can’t work my way through logic and a healthy sense of humor. I easily get spaced out at any moment through time and space. I still can’t force myself to change. I can’t focus on one thing without thinking or doing another at the same time, nor get yelled –actually, it’s “talked loud”- for no reason.
La-La-Land is not that far from where I live: it’s enclosed in my brain, waiting for the second I want to leave this planet and inhabit there. It’s not a land of fluffy clouds and ponies and princesses; rather, it’s a land of concerts and universities and Solid State Summits (y’know, the metal part of Tooth & Nail?). It’s easier to deal with life that way. Ignoring reality, the logic I (hopelessly) can’t define.
…but it’s worthless at times. I’m not living my life anymore; I’m living God’s life in me. Running in La-La-Land seems a perfect escape, but it works as a nightmare at the same time. I don’t have to deal with pain nor neglect, logic nor yelling; fear and letdowns, nor truth and justice. It IS easy to run, poor Elijah, scared of death by that…woman called Jezabel. It’s easy to ask God for an escape (I should address “quick fixes” later). It’s easy to sulk and mope (as I am doing now, I cannot lie) because of a hurt or a crash that made you week- physical, mental, spiritual or emotional.
Our La-La-Lands will be extinguished, or at least, minimized. God will finish the work; it’s up to us to start it.