“In a little while you will see me no more, and then after a little while you will see me.” (John 16:16)
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From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. (Psalms 61:2) “As long as the earth endures, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night will never cease.” (Genesis 8:22) O LORD, I have heard thy speech, and was afraid: O LORD, revive thy work in the midst of the years, in the midst of the years make known; in wrath remember mercy. (Habakkuk 3:2, KJV) In America,
Knowing that swine flu has now reached Puerto Rico raises bars on my eyes. Knowing that death(s) are now confirmed wants me to take my hopes off. Knowing that there are 686 cases in Maryland up-to-writing? Lord, we have problems… This is just a reminder that Christ is coming. As a believer, I have a hard time choosing between YEAH!!! WELCOME BACK!!! or NO!!! NOW, I’LL NEVER GET TO DO ANYTHING!! This tells me: will I be able to acomplish anyone of my goals? Praying, I told God about this. He already knows my dreams, so I’ll skip that part. I came to the moment of surrender. Will I want to give up all my dreams, singing, leading, studying, realizing that at every moment God will want to come pick up a holy, clean, special church? No. I told Him No. Then the guilt-o-meter clicked in. I thought that I had denied Christ by saying no. I thought that you can’t say “No” to God, or He’ll smite you with a lightning bolt. Not that I denied Him; I wasn’t ready to give up all my dreams. I am not yet. But it shed some light for me: I can do everything through him who gives me strength. (Phillipians 4:13) God lets us dream, even though we have our personal mountains, flus, death, even financial crisis. God knows, mind you, that He has known us since before our mothers’ wombs (Jeremiah 1:5), and being the most important part of the creation, we also have the privilege to dream with Him, about Him and for Him.
That “no” to surrender my dreams for Him, I have already done it with recognizing Jesus as my God. All of our dreams are His, and He knows what to do. So I CAN be a normal, human being. Where time is running out, He glorifies and gives me time enough to pick up all my dreams. Thank You, Adonai, for my repentance became Your beginning. It’s over 10 weeks since my dad has left to Seattle. He’s just anxious to see us. He has missed my awards, my sister’s graduation, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, my mom’s birthday and -soon- their anniversary. This makes ME anxious. And we still don’t know when we’re leaving!
*sigh* It’s depressing… As much as I groan about it, I know this: When he had received the drink, Jesus said, “It is finished.” With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit. (John 19:30) “Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their forefathers to give them. Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:6-9) I’ll be moving sometime this year to Maryland, in the USA. God knows the woes that I’m suffering!
I guess I’m having some separation anxiety. It’s just that 15 years of my life were lived in Puerto Rico, and I won’t be shutting up about this thing for a few weeks. At first, I was opposed to it -on account of my patria, school, friends, etc.-, but we thought about the new experience we can have on Annapolis. It’s not easy to bear leaving my comfort zone. My dad is in Seattle with my uncle -he has some bone cancer- but, thank God, he has bettered himself. Even though cancer is physical, it can also be a mental challenge. He is now used to have somebody caring for him. He’s SOOO anxious for us to be with him. Hope has given him a strength to battle… to go. And if he has hope to see us, then I’ll give him my support. We don’t know many details yet, but one thing is certain: |
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